Healing through the Chaos
Written By: Dana Schon
“I lived half of my life in trauma response mode. Which honestly equated to living as only part of myself. I made decisions and choices around how I had learned to love or not love myself.”
I lived half of my life in trauma response mode. Which honestly equated to living as only part of myself. I made decisions and choices around how I had learned to love or not love myself. I did not realize this until much later, but I was looking to find my worth in others. I was becoming a person who others valued by what I could do for them. Instead, I should have been loving myself for who God created me to be.
My childhood experiences settled deep into my soul and showed up throughout my life as chaos. Some of that chaos was self-created and some was just what life handed me. Married to my high school sweetheart, we had six kids under six, all of whom are adults now. Life with a big family brought its own challenges but it also brought a lot of chaos! In this chaos, I navigated working, volunteering, kids schedules and family life. I lived in fight or flight. I was constantly navigating the chaos in my life and feeling like I just was not good enough.
So, I added more to my plate. I became desperate to feel like I was worthy of any goodness at all. And in my head, I thought if I was managing the chaos that I was thriving. Instead, I was dying inside. I was not happy. I was not being the best mom or wife that I could be. I was not being good to myself. Have you ever felt this way? Like you were giving it all to everyone else with none left for you? Well, I had been living for others and what they needed from me. My broken-ness was so evident to those closest to me, but I laughed it off as…” life is busy.” In 2019, I reached a breaking point. My kids were teens, and they were looking at college and life away from me. I panicked. I had yet to create a life that was for me. I had created a life that was about others and I felt overwhelmed and sad. I felt like the chaos that I was living in had become who I was. My thoughts were not clear, my memory was bad, and I had no energy. I was literally imploding. It was then that I took the first steps to clearing out the chaos. I made a decision. I sought out expert help. I started talking about those traumas that I had hid deep inside of my mind. I started working through the debilitating parts of my life that had held me prisoner. I quit creating chaos with a schedule that did not serve me.
“Just because I do more, does not make me more” …. became my mantra. I learned to say “no” when it was not a “hell yes.” I started to set boundaries around my time. I made another decision in my life that I was worth more. I was a smart, strong, and good person who deserved to be who God created her to be.
Setting boundaries and doing the healing work really opened my heart and mind to what was possible for my life. My Life. Yes, I said it, My Life.
I was worthy of all that goodness. This came with a lot of work. I worked weekly, sometimes monthly, with a life coach as well as learning how to meditate. The practice of meditation really allowed me to become in touch with the deepest parts of who I was. I leaned into my writing. I journaled daily about goal setting, daily mindfulness, and any topic that was laid on my heart. Writing has proven to be a skill that shows up for me to explore who I am and who I want to be. Leaning into what your gift is, is where the magic can be found.
Creating a life of joy and purpose will ultimately be your way to healing.
If you are living a life of chaos, I encourage you to follow my five-step plan.
Connect to that part of you that is feeling the emotion. Spend time with yourself journaling. Allow yourself to feel it. Embrace and honor those feelings. They are valid because they are yours.
Set boundaries around time. If it is not hell yes! then is a hell no! Release any guilt and shame that you have around saying no. That is not for you to keep.
Focus on small, achievable goals that can provide a sense of accomplishment or even direction.
Create a mindfulness practice. Meditation is a wonderful way to get in touch with that part of you that needs healing. Even if it is for five-minute sessions.
5. Most importantly, create a support system within your community. You may have a friend, a mentor or even a therapist that can help you develop strategies to assist in your journey to calm.
And my secret strategy is to have a daily practice of finding joy in your day, even the smallest detail can create more joy for you. When you feel joy, your heart and mind run in sync together. Chaos can seem less of a factor when you are content with a joyful life.
You are worthy of all the goodness. You are worthy of healing from your past. You are worthy of walking into your God created greatness!
Sending all the love,
Mama Schon
To learn more about Mama Schon you can visit her website: www.mamaschon.com. P.S. She has amazing care packages. So many goodies!
